4 steps to being more assertive

Posted on February 26th, by Dr Rob Yeung . 1 Comment

I run a lot of workshops for clients on confidence and assertiveness. I often teach something that I call the DEAR method for negotiating, dealing with conflict situations more assertively. You might find it handy whether you’re trying to win over clients or change your colleagues’ minds.


Once you’ve watched the video, here are some additional pointers on applying the DEAR method successfully:

  • Write down bullet points for each of the DEAR steps. It’s not easy to hold lots of competing points in your head. You’ll have a much better chance of putting together a compelling argument if you write at least some basic notes for yourself.
  • Rehearse what you want to say out loud. Some people find that they can quite easily write down what they want to say, but then struggle to say it out when confronted face-to-face with the person involved. To give yourself the best chance of success, practise what you want to say aloud at least a couple of times so that the words sound more familiar to you.
  • Be very conscious of your tone of voice and body language. To have a productive discussion, neither you nor the other person can get angry. So make an effort to take things calmly. Speak in an even tone. And slow down any gestures that you use.
  • Choose the right time and place. I used to work for a manager who used to tell me: “Compliment publicly but criticise privately.” In other words, it’s OK to say good things in front of others. But if you want to make a comment that another person might construe as negative, then do it one-on-one so no one else might overhear.

So the next time you want to stand up for your rights, give the DEAR formula a go. Do let me know how you get on!

One Response to “4 steps to being more assertive”

  1. Dan Furlan says:

    Excellent, simple recommendations.

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